Hermione the HairFlicking Vampire Slayer
by Whiteriver
Summary: What happens when I 'borrow' the Harry Potter characters and turn them into Buffy characters. This is kinda weird.
1. Default Chapter

Hermione the Hair-flicking Vampire Slayer In Colin Creevy goes down  
  
Disclaimer:- I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, nor do I own any of the Harry Potter characters. Harry Potter belongs solely to the wonderful JKR, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon. I think. OK?  
  
A/N:- What happens when I 'borrow' the Harry Potter characters and turn them into Buffy characters?  
  
Hermione plays Buffy Colin Creevy plays himself. Harry plays Xander Ron plays Willow Percy plays Giles Draco plays Spike  
  
Scene 1  
  
Colin Creevy: [holing his camera, taking photos of everybody. He is standing on a viewing gallery that runs around three sides of the room that they are all in]  
  
Percy / Giles: Buffy slash Hermione! It's a photo demon! Argh! Quick, you slay it while I sit down, give useless instructions, read some books on nothing in particular, oh, and have a cream tea.  
  
Author (that's me :o) ): Percy slash Giles, you're an idiot.  
  
Percy / Giles: I'm not. I went to the finest university! I went to Oxford. Oxford? I went to Hogwarts. Oxford! Hogwarts! Oxford damn you! Hogwarts, Hogwarts, HOGWARTS!  
  
Harry / Xander: Who's he talking to?  
  
Draco / Spike: I don't know, let's just back away slowly..... [hits the wall] DAMN!  
  
Ron / Willow: I don't know ho he was talking to first, but now he's having an argument with himself.....  
  
Hermione / Buffy: He's gone cuckoo.  
  
Harry / Xander: Totally crackers.  
  
Hermione / Buffy: [grumbles] Anyway, why does he get tea? He's insane, for God's sake! Fine, I'll slay it. Let me brush my hair first. [brings out a hairbrush] Why was I cursed with a bush head?  
  
Percy / Giles: [recovers from his little argument with himself. Neither side has won.] I don't know why you were cursed with a bush head. Let me just read about it over my cream tea. Because, people, let's face it I don't do much else around here.  
  
Harry / Xander: You got that right.  
  
Ron / Willow: Why do I have to play the girl part? It's 'cos I'm a ginger, isn't it? [looks down his/her top] Actually, I withdraw that comment. I am fine with playing the girl. [goes off set, probably to admire himself some more]  
  
Draco / Spike: [talking to Hermione / Buffy] Hello? Demon over there? Have you forgotten?  
  
Hermione / Buffy: No, duh. It's just that fashion comes first. All the time. It's a priority, particularly over saving the world. Anyone knows that. [flicks hair]  
  
Harry / Xander & Draco / Spike: Go save the world already!  
  
Ron / Willow: [returns from off-set] Sorry, I was in make-up. I was checking if my bum looked big in this dress. Was I supposed to come in there? Have you said my line? Excuse me, my line has been said! How rude. [screaming] YOU STOLE MY LINE, YOU STOLE MY LINE! [Starts a fight with Draco / Spike and Harry / Xander]  
  
Percy / Giles: Boys! Boys! And, um, you..... Stop fighting or I'll read to you!  
  
[Ron / Willow, Draco / Spike and Harry / Xander stop fighting and run away screaming like girls.]  
  
R/W D/S H/X: NOOOOO!  
  
H/B: Ooooook then..... Let me just flick my hair [Flicks her hair.] There. Let's go save the world. Isn't it amazing how me and Buffy can fight all the forces of darkness, and save the world countless times without messing up our hair? Come on, when was the last time you saw me with messed up hair after a huge fight? Oh, God. I'm talking to myself. Cool.  
  
[Colin Creevy stops clicking because his film has run out.]  
  
Colin: Damn!  
  
H/B: Excuse me? All those shots, all those hours in make-up and all those hours getting my hair to look like this and I can't even save the world from the photo demon? Argh! [charges at Colin, wrenches his camera from his pitiful grasp and throws it to the floor in a mad frenzy] I will bloody save the world. I WILL SAVE THE WORLD. Whether the demon is a threat or not I WILL SAVE THE WORLD! [Stamps on the shattered piece of plastic, repeatedly grinding the high-heel of her black boots into it.] There. I saved the world. Wohoo!  
  
Colin: Nooo! My camera! The source of all my power! Nooo! Argh! I'm melting! I'm melting.  
  
P/G: Um, sorry Colin, but you can't say that. It's copyright from the Wizard of Oz.  
  
Colin: [mutters] Know-it-all.  
  
P/G: I heard that! The only reason I know it all is because I do sod all else but read. It's my way of 'helping' Hermione slash Buffy to save the world.  
  
Colin: Ooh! I'm not melting. Go me! I thought I would melt when my camera was destroyed, because I've only ever had it pried from my grasp once, when I was petrified. My camera! [sobs]  
  
H/B: How pathetic. [Punches him.] He falls over the railing, and then disappears before he hits the floor.  
  
Author: There you go Hermione slash Buffy. That took care of him Why didn't I just do that before?  
  
H/B: Argh! I hear voices too! I'm going insane like Percy slash Giles. Oh no!  
  
[Screen fades to black]  
  
Director: Cut!  
  
H/X: Thank God that's over. I don't think Hermione slash Buffy hearing voices was in the script, but you played it well.  
  
H/B: I did! I really did hear voices.  
  
D/S: Yes, Hermione slash Buffy. Of course you did. The important thing is that you believe that.  
  
H/B: But.....  
  
D/S: No buts. You're not going insane like him [jerks thumb towards P/G]  
  
P/G: You know, I think I've read about a hearing voices demon.  
  
All (except, of course, P/G): Shut up!  
  
R/W: Do I have to get rid of these boobs yet? 


	2. 

Hermione the hair flicking Vampire slayer in Tom Riddle the psychopath  
  
Chocolate Chicken: Thankyou and here's the next chapter. I need an opinion on whether they should be allowed new characters. What do you think? Sorry it took so long, it quite long, so you should bereading for a while at least.  
  
Glorywillow143: Thankyou! I need you to tell me whether the characters are still stupid, or is it jsut the plot? Is it still funny? And also I need to know whether they deserve new characters or not. What do you think?  
  
Hermione plays Buffy H/B  
  
Tom Riddle plays himself.  
  
Harry plays Xander H/X  
  
Ron plays Willow R/W  
  
Percy plays Giles P/G  
  
Draco plays Spike D/S  
  
[R/W H/X D/S and H/B are in a secret meeting. Their mission - to steal P/G's glasses.]  
  
H/B: Ooh goody. It's the author back again. What joys do you bring us?  
  
Author: Shut up or you'll get your 'joys' quicker. What were you doing?  
  
H/B: We were in a secret meeting.  
  
Author: Oh right. As long as it's not plans to overthrow me, then carry on.  
  
R/W: [nervous looks around] Anyway it's the only way we can stop him reading. It has to be done, for the sake of the universe, it must be done!  
  
H/B: Hey! I'm normally the one who says that! But that line works well for you.  
  
Author: Y'know you don't have to steal anything. I could make them disappear. Then I would have saved the world. I could just do it you know. But then there wouldn't be a content for this chapter. Oh dammit!  
  
H/B: The voice! It's the voice again! And you all hear it this time. Ah ha! I told you. I'm not going mad. Wohoo!  
  
H/X: Argh! Voices! OK, I take it back, Hermione slash Buffy. I believe you. I do, honest!  
  
D/S: OK, I don't like voices. I hear them, but I don't like them.  
  
Author: Hey! How can you not like me! Believe me, I will torture you forever if you hate me! [Bright flash of light. H/X is wearing a pink tutu, D/S is juggling flaming clubs H/B can't stop forward flipping and R/W is acting like a donkey.]  
  
R/W: Stop it, PLEASE! This is not good for my posture!  
  
H/B: Yes, and this is messing up my hair. My hair people, my hair!!!!!  
  
D/S: And I can't juggle flaming clubs. OW! Burning! Hot, hot! Ow!  
  
H/X: Maybe I should go to a ballet school, what do you think? [leaps around stupidly]  
  
D/S, H/B and R/W: NO! [Another flash of light. Everything is returned to normal]  
  
Author: Do you like me now?  
  
D/S, H/B, H/X and R/W: YES! We adore you. Very much. All hail great author. [H/B has her hairbrush out again. She is brushing her messed up hair]  
  
H/B: OK. Back to the mission. We have to steal those glasses! [Goes over to the corner, where {surprise, surprise} P/G was reading]  
  
P/G: Hello! This Diary of Tom Riddle is very interesting.  
  
H/B: That's nice. No one cares. Grab him! [H/X pins P/G arms to his sides. H/B takes the glasses]  
  
R/W: I'm sorry. It's for our own good. Not to mention the whole for-the- good-of-the-universe thing. But, hey! Who cares about the universe?!?!  
  
H/B: Yeah, who cares? Everyone knows the most important person in the universe is me, so who cares! If you don't want me I'll go find my own universe to live in.  
  
[A/N:- Um this is where I stopped writing, and went to get several cups of coffee. This is kinda insane, but what do you expect? I was on a caffeine high!]  
  
Author: Wohoo! I got the glasses of power. Oh yeah, go me!  
  
H/B: Um, no, actually. We've got the glasses! [Author gets mad. The door bursts open and rabid pink elephants called Charlie eating beach balls come in {My pet pink elephant is called Charlie. At the moment he had a flying cucumber shoved up his nose. Don't ask about that. I was reading a random insanity fic starring a flying cucumber, when Charlie got the stupid green flying thing lodged up there.} Elephants make towards our heroes, only at the moment I'm annoyed with 'our heroes', so I'm not going to be nice and call them that.]  
  
D/S: Oh no! Rabid elephants! What will we do?  
  
H/X: Well, I suppose Hermione slash Buffy could save the world, if it's not too much trouble.  
  
H/B: Actually, yes it is. My diary is so totally booked up. [Takes out a book] I can't save the world until a week next Tuesday. [The rabid pink elephants eating beach balls and who are called Charlie start to dance Swan Lake. Suddenly they all sneeze and a flying cucumber hits D/S in the head. He dies. Everyone gasps]  
  
Author: Ooh, wait! There can't be a flying cucumber. I would be copying. Uh oh. Some other totally random vegetable. I know! I pink carrot. I'm talking luminous colours here!  
  
H/B: NO! Not carrots. Anything but the luminous pink carrots!  
  
Author: Would you rather back flip?  
  
H/B: No, I love luminous carrots. Go carrots!  
  
H/X: Uh oh! The rabid elephants will kill us all! Argh! Run for the hills! [H/X: Runs for the exit, opens the door only to hit a brick wall.]  
  
Author. Ha ha ha ha ha! You can't leave now. They are just about to start. And just for that..... [Another flying carrot. It hits H/X in the forehead. He dies.]  
  
Author: There. You can never get away from my amazing author powers! I am the ultimate power! And you can't slay me!  
  
R/W: You want to bet? Hermione slash Buffy could slay anyone. [the amazing flying carrot zips around the room, ricocheting off the walls and hitting R/W. What do you think happens? He/she dies. Duh! The elephants are now dancing a waltz. Just to make matters worse Tom Riddles chooses that time to step from the diary. The elephants move on to the tango, expertly ducking the flying carrot.]  
  
Tom: Ha ha ha! I'm the evil geek from the diary! I have come to turn you all into little P/Gs! Oh, and the whole I'm-setting-a-monster-on-you-that- turns-people-who-I-don't-like-to-stone thing. But that will come later!  
  
H/B: No! Not a mini Percy slash Giles! For one thing you would never catch me in tweed. Puh-lease how last century in that. Then there's those glasses.  
  
Author: You mean the tweed and glasses your wearing now?  
  
H/B: [Looks at herself] No! Please. Please not tweed. I'll do anything all powerful voice. Please don't turn me into a mini Percy slash Giles.  
  
Author: No. No way. This is funny, I love it. Tom Riddle rules. Sure he turns people he hates to stone, and he started Voldemort. But everyone's done some bad things! DUCK TOM, DUCK! THE FLYING PINK CARROT IS COMING TOWARDS YOU! [Tom ducks]  
  
H/B: Well I'm going to die, so I want to go out looking my best. [Her famous hairbrush comes out again. The pink carrot hits it and the hairbrush flies into the tango ground]  
  
Tom: Now I need servants, so I'm bringing all your victims back to life, OK voice?  
  
Author: The name's all powerful author. But I guess that's all right with me I suppose. [H/B is vainly tugging her hairbrush from under the huge bulk of Charlie. They are bored now, and have done all the dances. So now the start to act out Hamlet. I don't have the heart to tell them everyone dies at the end. {God that play is depressing!}]  
  
Tom: Abracadabra! [They all come back to life and I'm going to sulk now, maybe I didn't want all my victims alive]  
  
H/X: I'm alive! [The flying carrot comes and kills all of them except H/B, who is behind Charlie pulling her hairbrush from underneath him, and Tom, because I like him at the moment. The carrot never hits him or her.]  
  
H/B: [sarcastically] Well that worked, didn't it? [Gives one final pull and the elephant topples over, squishing Tom into tiny little pieces. Charlie's tusk went through the diary.]  
  
H/B: I did that, right? I saved the world, again. Ooh goody! There's no one here to tell me I didn't! Wohoo! Oh yeah! Go me.  
  
Author: Don't you ever get tired of saving the world all the time?  
  
H/B: Nope. I love it. What about my friends?!? And my hair!?!  
  
Author: Fine, stop whinging. [Bright flash of light. Everyone is alive. H/B's hair is gorgeous. P/G does not have his glasses. I don't want him reading!]  
  
H/B: When can we leave? I want to leave! You've trapped us long enough!  
  
H/X: Yeah, and these elephants are annoying. [I give him the evil eyes after he says bad things about Charlie. He shuts up]  
  
P/G: [Talking to the hatstand] Hermione slash Buffy, please talk to me. I don't like being ignored.  
  
Author: If I get some reviews saying I should let a few of you go, then I will. Or I could bring in some new characters for you. We'll ask the reviewers.  
  
D/S: Please let there be some new characters. We're slowly going insane! [I give in and get rid of all the elephants and the carrots]  
  
A/N: Well do they need new characters? What do you think? 


End file.
